What to Look for in a Travel Partner

I suspect many people’s initial thought on who they should travel with is that it should be the person you like the most and/or get along best with in your everyday life. And while that’s an understandable instinct, I would actually simplify that a bit — you should travel with someone who, above all else, you trust. This might mean your romantic partner, your best friend, a sibling, or it might mean someone you’re less close with but whose sensibilities align with your own.

Trust is key when you’re traveling because it can be a stressful, vulnerable experience. You need someone with you who will be on the same page when the chips are down. Specifically, you need someone with whom you see eye to eye on the following:

Communication

I strongly recommend giving your partner a courtesy heads up if this is how you plan on dressing during your tropical beach vacation.

Your travel partner should be someone who knows how to communicate, and ideally someone who knows how to communicate with you specifically.

My recommendation based on many (mostly dumb and thoroughly avoidable) arguments is to over-communicate, particularly during the trip itself. Check in with your travel partner and pay attention to their body language and mood as best you can. More often than not, you can head off an escalation by just asking where they’re at and how they’re feeling.

Sometimes you just really need a good old-fashioned train nap.

Comfort Levels

You and your partner should both have an understanding of how much you can handle while traveling. Are you okay with walking long distances? What about public transit? How are you with crowds? What’s the optimal amount of time to spend in a museum? Are you willing to try new and unfamiliar food and drink? These are all things you should discuss before your trip, so that you can establish boundaries in advance.

Mark and I went on at least 6 trips together before he revealed that he is frequently anxious that I’m physically uncomfortable when we’re walking around. This was a failure of both communication and body language assessment on our part — in his defense, I have a pretty solid Resting Bitch Face (see above); but in mine, literally more than 5 minutes of physical activity turns me pink-faced and sweaty, regardless of the circumstances. I’m usually having a very good time in spite of this!

In my experience, disagreements in this area can be one of the quickest ways for your travel partnership to veer miserably off track. It’s not fun to be too tired, too hot or cold, or too under- or over- stimulated when you’re traveling somewhere unfamiliar. Knowing when your partner needs a breather or that you might need to take some time apart is critical to making sure you both get the most out of your trip.

Priorities

We walked considerably out of the way with our bags on a morning when we had to catch a train to visit this keyhole. Initially a source of some grumpiness on my end (I worried we might miss the train), it was pretty cool, but it would have been cooler if we’d been on the same page about it as a priority.

What do each of you most want to see and do in the place where you’re going? How strictly are you going to want to stick to your itinerary (assuming there is one)? Is there room in this trip for spontaneous side-quests or plan changes? Whatever they are, you and your partner should both have an idea of the answers to these questions when traveling.

Budgeting

The key question while planning your trip, especially — how much is everyone willing to spend on this? This discussion will likely intersect with your assessment of your comfort levels, which often dictate where we’re willing to put our money. Are we staying in hostels and splurging on activities and food? Brown-bagging it and sleeping in a luxe hotel? Do we want to spend the week in a resort, sheltered from the unpredictable and enjoying a low-level alcohol buzz at all hours?

Hack: Find (if you can) a resort that you can visit for a few hours for the cost of a drink before/instead of committing to the full stay.

None of these is inherently superior to the others (although I certainly have my own preferences), but they’re very different experiences that will come with sometimes wildly different price tags. It will be impossible to truly enjoy yourself and achieve the stress relief you’re seeking from a vacation if you don’t hammer out some financial ground rules in advance.

I truly believe we set a record for number of different gelatos sampled during our trip to Italy in 2019. The reason we were so stunningly successful is because we both went in viewing this as a key, delicious priority.

Overall, travel can be a great way to get to know someone better, and to solidify your bond with them. Failing to communicate your wants and needs as well as your priorities is a surefire way to turn a good trip into a slog. While it can feel daunting to talk honestly with someone about your boundaries, needs, or (gasp!) finances, I promise it will make your travels — and your relationship with your travel partner — so much smoother.